Maybe We’re All so Worried About Getting in Trouble Because We Keep Trying to Get Each Other in Trouble

On internet surveillance and crying online

I’m worried I’m going to get in big trouble, but I don’t really know what exactly for. I just have an overwhelming feeling that one day the penny is going to drop and everyone is going to turn around and yell at me. I check my emails with bated breath. When I go out for drinks, I spend the next day combing over all the things I said, worrying all my friends will realize I suck. When I go through airport security, I’m sure they’ll arrest me for something I didn’t know I did. When the phone rings, I assume the worst. My mind’s default position is that everyone is likely mad at me, of course they are. In any other era I think I’d be considered paranoid, in this era I think my mindset is actually fairly common. But, isn’t it a little weird that we’re all so worried about getting in trouble?

I see people blame their parents, the education system, even the Catholics—but I blame the internet. The internet has bred an era of surveillance, and with that an extreme penchant for punishment and judgement. And I think our subconscious has taken it to heart.

Après la faute by Jean Béraud, 1850

I was in line at a coffee shop the other day, the line was taking longer than expected because the couple in front of me were filming the baked goods. They then proceeded to film the Barista making and handing them their drinks. I’m fairly certain I’m in the background of that video. They didn’t ask me, and I didn’t hear them ask the Barista for permission. But it made me feel weird, what if I accidentally looked angry, weird, had something on my face, fell over, or did something embarrassing? What if the barista didn’t want anyone to know she works there, or just wants a life that’s not online?

It’s a strange reality to live in, that just getting a coffee or going to work could result in you being exposed to hundreds or thousands or maybe even millions. You could unknowingly be filmed by someone’s glasses or doorbell, and then spend the rest of your life as a meme or some rage bait.

But honestly, being filmed in public might be the least of our worries. We film ourselves crying, document children’s lives, expose each other’s dating profiles, share stories about getting fired or bad dates, show screenshots from an argument with a roommate or a lover. We expose ourselves and each other continually all in the name of engagement, and in the process we open ourselves up to the court of public opinion.

The internet is cruel. Even the most mundane post can somehow stir up ire in a commenter. It’s like we’ve opened pandoras box of cynicism, and we now know that the worst thing you thought about yourself probably pales in comparison to the worst thing an internet troll will say about you. Through social media osmosis, we have reprogrammed our minds to be aware that we are being watched and judged harshly.

Even if you never post online and just observe, by witnessing how other people treat each other, we‘ve become a little too aware of how everyone thinks. The internet has proven that the age-old advice, “don’t worry, no one else is thinking about you,” is devastatingly untrue. Comment sections, Reddit threads, and Twitter have shown us all that a lot of people could in fact be thinking the absolute worst about you. I would say it’s probably a natural response to think that everyone is mad at you and hates you, when everyone online is mad and does hate each other.

Taylor Armstrong in Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

And in the back of our minds we’re all aware that if you do in fact do something super embarrassing or maybe even bad you should be prepared to pay some pretty hefty consequences. The Coldplay couple, West Elm Caleb, people who have been fired over tweets, the Karens, all the people who are now condemned to a life spent in meme hell. I’m not saying these people did nothing wrong, but they were dealt a pretty big dose of public shame and infamy, and their lives will likely never be the same.

I think we often find comfort in the idea that it’s moral retribution—simply consequences of their actions. If they’re a cheater, a scumbag, a bad person, they should be exposed and deserve whatever is coming. But what if we get it wrong or out of context? Or what if our ideas of what’s considered morally wrong in society change?

After all morality is subjective and shifts all the time. What was considered good in Roman times, in the Middle Ages, in the 50s, in the 80s, even in the early 2000s is all completely different now. Political and religious uprisings have happened and likely will happen again, we may already be in the midst of one. Who knows what the world looks like in 10 years, in 20 years. Are we comfortable with how much we’ve given away of ourselves if circumstances change, are we comfortable with the environment we have created?

Once you give away too much of yourself or the people around you, it really can’t be undone. It often crosses my mind that the platforms to which we give all this information are companies. At the end of the day, they will always have their own best interests at heart. We sign so much of our life away to them, who knows what their terms and conditions might implicate us in. What happens if the company sells that information, and it’s all out of our hands? We have exposed the inner most details of our lives for what, to who?

I think we’re already paying a pretty big price to live like this. Somehow we ended up big brothering ourselves and each other and it’s all making us feel like we’re in deep trouble. Because maybe we are.